❝ I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do. ❞
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, More Than Just A House
❝ By the time we are women, fear is as familiar to us as air; it is our element. We live in it, we inhale it, we exhale it, and most of the time we do not even notice it. Instead of “I am afraid,” we say, “I don’t want to,” or “I don’t know how,” or “I can’t.” ❞
❝ The comfort of reclusion, the poetry of hibernation. ❞
❝ It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger. ❞
— Lemony Snicket, When Did You See Her Last?
An abusive man is not unable to resolve conflicts nonabusively; he is unwilling to do so… Abusers have normal abilities in conflict resolution, communication and assertiveness when they choose to use them. They typically get through tense situations at work without threatening anyone; they manage their stress without exploding when they spend Thanksgiving with their parents; they share openly with their siblings regarding their sadness over a grandparent’s death. But they don’t want to handle these kinds of issues nonabusively when it involves their partner.
You can equip an abuser with the most innovative, new age skills for expressing his deep emotions, listening actively, and using win-win bargaining, and then he will go home and continue abusing.
— Why Does He Do That? - Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. (Lundy Bancroft) —
❝ When I was little
They taught me
To treat others
The way I treat myself.
Trying to treat myself
The way I would
Treat others. ❞
❝ Feminism is not about who opens the jar.
It is not about who pays for the date. It is not about who moves the couch. It is not about who kills the bugs. It is not about who cooks the dinner. It’s not even about who stays home with the kids, as long as the decision was made together, after thinking carefully about your situation and coming to an agreement that makes sense for your particular marriage and family.
It is about making sure that nobody ever has to do anything by “default” because of their gender. The stronger person should move the couch. The person who enjoys cooking more, has more time for it, and/or is better at it should do the cooking. Sometimes the stronger person is male, sometimes not. Sometimes the person who is best suited for cooking is female, sometimes not. You should do what works.
But it is also about letting people know that it is okay to change. If you’re a woman who wants to become stronger, that’s great. If you’re a man who wants to learn how to cook, that’s also great. You might start out with a relationship where the guy opens all the jars and the girl cooks all the meals, but you might find that you want to try something else. So try it. ❞
大家你好!!! check out my new tattoo!! it means “harmony” in english!!! I can’t wait to start showing white people my tattoo and asking them if they can understand it!!! TFW YOLO! (That’s what they say right?)